


The Struggles of the Jinchuriki: One Tail

by bigpenguinfly



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, M/M, Other, Potty Humor, poop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 17:26:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2317481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigpenguinfly/pseuds/bigpenguinfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unnamed shinobi of Konoha is having some serious problems containing the beast within. The Akatsuki find this shinobi and help break the seal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Struggles of the Jinchuriki: One Tail

**Author's Note:**

> This is really immature and I apologize profusely

Most of the time, I can control it. But not always.

Back in my younger days, the chakra of One-Tail would engulf me without warning, and not infrequently. Different things would prompt it. Sometimes my friend Naruto would take me to a new back-alley ramen place, and I would have to go hide in the restaurant's bathroom to protect others from the emerging beast. Sometimes, I would be prescribed antibiotics when no yogurt was available, and the chakra storm would last for days. And sometimes, it was simply too much coffee that would pull the monster from its deep slumber.

I wanted to be a loyal shinobi and fight alongside my friends without having to constantly deal with the monster inside of me, but that was not possible. On every single mission, I'd face the fear that the chakra of the one-tailed beast would cause me to hurt my friends.

One day, after a fearful bout of ramen-induced beast chakra, I found myself outside the walls of Konoha, making sure that I was far away from my friends. My greatest worry was always putting them in danger. As I waited for the chakra to run dry, I suddenly felt a hand on my mouth.

"You're coming with us," said an all-too-familiar voice.

"Sasuke?You're with the Akatsuki now?" I said, pushing his hand away. "What do you want with me?"

"We just want to release your one-tailed friend, hmm?"

"Wait, Deidara? Deidara and Sasuke? Since when have you two been partners?"

"Since that one fateful night when Sasuke figured out that my hands can--"

"Shut up, Deidara," said Sasuke, blushing. "You, host of the one-tail--don't try anything stupid. Let's go."

"But I'll die when you break the seal! I refuse to go!"

"Your beast is special, hmm? If all goes well, you won't die."

"So you mean, I'll survive and never have to endanger my friends' lives by way of the beast's chakra ever again?"

"Exactly."

"Alright! Let's go!"

\----------------------------------------------------------------

While on the way to the Akatsuki hideout, I could feel One Tail beginning to gather its chakra. But this was no urgent matter. This was slow-building chakra, chakra that would prove to be unpredictable, perhaps even evil. It sat in my gut like a brick.

We arrived at the darkened lair. I prepared for the pain that was to befall me as Sasuke and Deidara released the seal and separated me from One-Tail, once and for all.

"Pho no jutsu!" yelled Sasuke, ramming cheap noodles down my throat.

It didn't work. If anything, it just made One-Tail more reluctant to leave my body.

"Sriracha no jutsu!" yelled Deidara, squeezing chili sauce into my mouth.

"That will never work," said Sasuke. "Maybe we should try aiming that jutsu straight into the host's ass. It is, after all, the orifice in question here."

Deidara looked upset. "I thought you said that type of jutsu was just for me and you, hmm? HMMM?"

It proved to be just about the longest night of my life. The two beautiful members of the Akatsuki tried jutsu after jutsu, but One-Tail refused to budge. Its chakra was there in full form, but the seal seemed just about impossible to break.

And then, just when it seemed that Sasuke would take up Deidara on his offer to take a break for some "alone time," it happened. With all the force of the world's biggest tsunami, One-Tail parted from me, its host, and was immediately bound by Deidara for future use.

"Wow. Just when we were going to resort to that jutsu," said Sasuke.

"A powerful jutsu indeed, hmm?"

"What jutsu?" I asked. "What are you talking about?"

"The Art of the Sugar-Free Gummy Bears. That one would have certainly put your life at risk," said Sasuke.

I felt unbelievably lucky that One-Tail hadn't required such a powerful jutsu.

And with that, I was free. Free to start my college career without the crippling effects of constipation. Free to feel the air between my ass cheeks like a clear spring day in the absence of the beast. Free from the confines of a terrible monster indeed.

What? Oh, I mean, something about my friends being safe and me leading a happy life as a ninja? This story is definitely about a hypothetical shinobi from Konoha and not drawn from author-sama's personal experiences.


End file.
